Monday, December 7, 2009

Missing the Old, Disgruntled about the New

It's ridiculous that i haven't honored my promise to continue writing regularly. What's even more ludicrous is that i've wasted the entire Monday away. Referring to my current fb status, basically wishing i was 18 again, i've fallen so far in only two years.

I used to be a strong advocate of the hardworking to be lazy movement. Aim to finish everything i need to do so that i can have an extra hour napping. Do all that's necessary so i can get into the right college i want. Do my best now so that i'll enjoy earning big bucks later.

Now, i'm just living with my head just above water. Mediocrity runs my life now, so long as the job's adequately done. Not the best in class or perfection anymore. Just, adequate and sometimes, below average. The frigging horror.

Just what happened in between the now and then?

Sasha claimed that i sound a lot happier now even though i exchange very little 'happy' words with her. Am i indulging too much in certain luxuries? Am i still stuck in this little holiday i gave myself? Why am i STILL hiding behind this 'international student' facade?

Being homesick is one thing. But i'm missing the old me, dearly.

Strength feels like it's depleting. But i logic in faith tells me that i'm only getting stronger.

I wonder if everyone else who has transferred over feels the same way.