Monday, December 7, 2009

Missing the Old, Disgruntled about the New

It's ridiculous that i haven't honored my promise to continue writing regularly. What's even more ludicrous is that i've wasted the entire Monday away. Referring to my current fb status, basically wishing i was 18 again, i've fallen so far in only two years.

I used to be a strong advocate of the hardworking to be lazy movement. Aim to finish everything i need to do so that i can have an extra hour napping. Do all that's necessary so i can get into the right college i want. Do my best now so that i'll enjoy earning big bucks later.

Now, i'm just living with my head just above water. Mediocrity runs my life now, so long as the job's adequately done. Not the best in class or perfection anymore. Just, adequate and sometimes, below average. The frigging horror.

Just what happened in between the now and then?

Sasha claimed that i sound a lot happier now even though i exchange very little 'happy' words with her. Am i indulging too much in certain luxuries? Am i still stuck in this little holiday i gave myself? Why am i STILL hiding behind this 'international student' facade?

Being homesick is one thing. But i'm missing the old me, dearly.

Strength feels like it's depleting. But i logic in faith tells me that i'm only getting stronger.

I wonder if everyone else who has transferred over feels the same way.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Sorreh for ze inconvenience

Why hello. I'm going back to my old address for layout/template issues.

See you at:

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

No one's meant to fly.

Honestly, i don't know why i'm still hanging on anymore.

Since the beginning, there were/are countless of reasons why i shouldn't have done it. So little stand for it. Yet, that little minority stood so strong and adamant, i believed in it.

The minority has a weak pedestal and can easily crumble. The strength of the minority is working against its cause now. Everything's crumbling.

When i'm happy, i'm happy and when i'm sad, i'm miserable.

Truly, that is the epitome of my life. It's so shallow and dilapitated.

I'm ready to come home now.


It's been a billion years, i know.

Not that i didn't have the time to spare, but i had nothing to report. Now i do, i guess.

School has been alright. It's getting harder now. I don't recall work being so difficult back in Taylor's ADP. I can blame a lot of things for my struggle:

  • It may have been substantially easier back home.
  • That one year hiatus really did me in.
  • It's way different here.
  • I'm thinking way too much for my own good.
I shudder at every new assignment because i've been blanking out at every single one so far. It pisses me off so much that i'd have to rely on so many other people to explain what the questions wants from me. It's even more embarrassing that most of these people are younger than me. I blame the hiatus for this one.

Other than that, I think i need to change my sheets soon. :P

Niamah, pray for me people. Pray that i will get better at college. Sigh. Pray to all your gods. I. Do. Not. Care.

I'm glad that i'm up and awake at this hour now. I hope that i'll be able to get my college sleeping hours soon. I miss being able to get through the day after a minimum of 4 hours of sleep. Now i can't do shit without at least 8.

Hell, i want to swear aloud. Bloody Messiah College. I respect your academic stature, but the fact that a heathen like me is in your holy Christian sanctuary pisses me off so bad. Geh. A challenge i've accepted a long time ago, to survive it.

Thank God this assignment's thereabout done. Now i can sleep for 5 hours and wake up for compulsory chapel at 9.30am. Someone save me. Really.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Smelly Person in the Lab.

It's a first, but i do believe that i might have died this afternoon.

C.O.D: Smelly person.

My laptop's at the IT Center 'cos it was acting funny after the college forced me to download some weird anti-virus before i could use the wireless. So, today i had to print some work before class at 4.40pm today.

I opened the door and was engulfed in fumes of sweat, moist socks, discarded gym shoes and a generally annoying piece of existence that had life. Just imagine an Al McWhiggin lookalike with the exact same annoying trait- major slob.

Yeck. Why can't these people respect the fact that the computer lab is private property and not treat this like their own rooms? Or at the very least, SHOWER!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Classes Have Begun

I have this tremendous fear that someone from college will happen on to this blog. Even though i already planned on letting that happen, i'm still afraid. Maybe it's because my blog was so under the radar back home and only a select few (plus some other random people i do not know) found it.

I'll get over this somehow. I just have to be extremely careful about what i decide to publish.

So classes have started after a long couple of weeks of orientation; both international and transfer. I've made friends, go me. But it's even more difficult to remember names now that there are so many people i meet.

I can't really pin-point a class i'm thoroughly excited for because there is none. You could say i'm gonna fight my way through the semester to that 4.0 to keep my scholarship. Ah, such motivation when only money is involved.

Actually, i think i only need to keep a 3.0 and above. But a 4.0 would be better, no?

So life isn't actually all that bad here. I'm about 83% over the fact that i'm crippled without a license or car over here. I'm glad that i've found friends who are willing to take me out to get stuff if i need to. No, i'm not friends with them just 'cos they have a car. I think that's terribly selfish.

I've almost gotten used to picking what to eat during meals so i don't come back bloated. I'd like to proudly announce that i've lost weight, but i think that the weight-loss may be due to the fact that i haven't been eating right 'cos i refuse to eat all the mash potato and gravy they have every other day. I'm getting better. :)

It's funny how people warm up to each other at first and then only notice their faults after a while. I truly understand what an orientation leader meant when she said that "the people you meet during orientation will reveal their true nature once they get settled into college". She didn't say that exactly, but it was something along those lines. I think it's pretty interesting 'cos things could have been worse if people noticed your faults first before your bests. No one would have any friends and we'd all be just rotten people to meet.

I'm prattling. Forgive me. Lecturers have started classes with prayer and referenced plenty from their bibles all of yesterday and today. I hope i'll get used to it soon. My education is what i make of it. Therefore, none of this should matter.

Leanna, i truly miss you. I have this urge to go "You know ah..." everyday now because something ridiculous always happens. But there's no one to say that to.

I truly want to come home now. I still ponder on finishing my bachelor's locally. Too much is happening over here and if i get caught in the cross-fire, no one's going to be my Forrest Gump and save me even after getting hit in the ass by a stray bullet.

I'll be fine eventually. I just miss everyone a lot 'cos no friend here will replace the ones i have at home.

Hell, i wanna go to a coffee shop in my singlet and shorts in the evenings and not freeze my ass off 'cos fall's on its way. Sial.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Dear friends,

Clearly, i did not fulfill promise of finishing my update in the previous post. I was lazy. Gracious, i'm still blogging. I just wiped out the old one 'cos ... it was time to do so. Therefore, i shall begin the update now, with what little adrenaline i have left.

After spending two nights at the Comfort Inn in Harrisburg, mom and i flew down south to meet a family friend in Tennessee. We spent all 4 days shopping at the outlets and lotsa visits to TJ-MAX. We even went to the Biltmore Estate in Ashville.

My only touristy venture thus far. It's pretty clear to me now that i don't appreciate western history as much as i used to. This venture also marks the only time i've snacked on American soil. I shared some waffles and ice-cream with mom.

Share sumore. Tengok la betapa takutnya aku. Takut jadi gemuk macam orang kat sini.

After Tennessee, we went back to Harrisburg and our international correspondence picked us up from the airport.

Introducing, CINDY!

That's my mom. In her rented car. I think i've increased my chances of getting a heart attack by a few years. They drive on the left here. And well, this KL driver who won't slow down when turning hit a curb before she learned her lesson.

To make things short since the blogging mood is dispersing, we shopped till we dropped for my stuff. Sheets, books, hangers, everything. We spent an entire day dedicated to getting everything and yet we missed quite a few =.= No one remembers you need to get your own clean-ex/tissue 'cos you're so used to having it with you everywhere back home. Geh.

That's my bed for now. I thought the sheets were cute. I have filled the drawers behind the bed but the cupboards at the back are still pretty spacious. So, can still buy MORE THINGS! ^^

I've met many people. No one i took pictures with. Haven't whipped out the camera for a while now, actually. Just proves i'm not photojournalist. I've met many people whose names i've probably forgotten.

To those who remember Anna Yong, CBN 2005, 5A, Christian Fellowship pianist...

I go to school with her brother now. Andy. The only other Malaysian on campus. We are a rare breed apparently. It's interesting to know that no one comprehends Malaysian English when we converse. Even if we don't throw in any slang or chinese/indian/malay/etc.

Orientation's been good to me so far. I hope it will only get better, or at least remain the same. I can only pray that i haven't overstepped any boundaries of social conduct yet. Sigh. It's so hard to go through orientation again =.=

I hear that there's another English proficiency test i have to take. Just like in ADP, Taylor's. I'm nervous. Sial.

So, i'm fine. For now. Call me on skype or msn if you want further updates. 'Cos... i'm far too tired to do anymore than this.

Heh, i realize that there aren't any recent pictures of me up anywhere XD. No worries, i'm still the same. Just imagine me wider. And uglier.